welcome back

well it's been a while. this is the way it goes with me. i have journals from when i was twelve years old with enormous gaps in time and history and each entry begins with a lament on my sporadic writing. some things never change.

drove out to the airport tonight to pick up a lovely friend. they were just back from the femme conference in oakland, and we had a very lively ride home on the empty freeways and overpasses, full of stories and anecdotes and secrets and escandalos. i wished i'd had a cigarette to smoke while i waited but i am doing my best not to smoke so much anymore. i have whittled it down to about 20 cigarettes a week, which still seems like a lot when i write the number 20, but seems like nothing when i consider what i was smoking, about 50. i lost an entire packet of cigarettes the other day after only smoking one, and rather than taking it as a sign to stop forever, i bought a new pack ten minutes after realizing i lost the old one. so i suppose the battle is not entirely won.

the wee kitty babies had their reproductive parts snipped out last week and i have been watching closely for any changes in them personally and there are none. I don't know exactly what sort of change i was expecting. they both have strange incisions and bald patches now, and are safe from deformed brother-sister babies. we don't have any need for that kind of action up in here.



a couple of months ago my mother shipped all eight boxes of my worldly possessions to me from bc to toronto and in those boxes, among other things, were my beloved vcr and collection of vhs movies. i love the vhs, and not because it's hip to like retro technology, but because it's just so fucking durable. i'm much better suited to cellphones like zach morris's on saved by the bell, vhs tapes--boxed up in hard plastic and incredibly hard to ruin, and boom boxes with big knobs and buttons than the tiny, complicated, infinitely delicate technologies of today. i break things, i lose things, i drop things. a lot.

also i worked a thrift store for two years that sold vhs tapes for 3 dollars and i got a 50 percent discount. so there you have it.

and yesterday i watched, for probably the twenty-fifth time, ferris beuller's day off. it's one of those movies i can remember the first time i watched, and quotes from it often make their way into my every day conversation, gems such as:

'bueller... bueller... bueller...'
'you want a gummy bear? they've been in my pocket so they're real warm and soft.'

and so on.

but the scene that tops it all off for me is the parade in the city, when ferris gets on the german float and sings twist and shout, and the german floozies on the float are dancing, and the soul brothers and sisters do their routine on the steps, and the crowd all harmonizes the chorus in a great, uplifting, sweeping crescendo. i got fucking goosebumps! sometimes john hughes really knew what he was doing.




adieu.